entry 004
i’ve been granted the opportunity to do something everyone considers “life-changing”, a “once in a lifetime experience,” and yet, something about choosing it feels unaligned, like forcing a perfect fit
part of making this decision included examining what stage of life i’m in,
am i in a phase where i’m seeking exploration, novelty, and difference or am i in a phase of compounding, stability, and grounding
i believe i am in the latter
through weighing the decision to take this opportunity and thrust myself into a new environment, i’ve realized that, that option does not align with my current direction and phase of life
recently, a quote has stuck with me, to not always choose the what is comfortable but what helps you grow
the more i’ve considered this, i don’t think comfort and growth have to be opposites, the place i’m at now is comfortable in certain respects but everyday i’m pushed and challenged to become who i want to be and grow into that person
but regardless of where i am, i will grow, the question then becomes what type of growth
the explosive, identity-shifting growth or something more subtle and internal
once again, i believe am in the latter
i think through making this decision, it reinforces the idea of stability that i’m embracing this spring, to continue working on the things in my life not passively, but actively
to become more engaged with my hobbies, pour into my future, and make choices that serve the direction i’m going in
it’s often so that when making “life-changing” decisions, it’s easy to get caught up in the novelty of it all, and while sometimes that is what is needed, other times grounding oneself in who they are now in order to serve their future is the better choice
and i do have to admit, choosing what some may consider the “safe” or “comfortable” options almost feels wrong, like i’m turning something down that no one would ever refuse, i even feel the need to compensate for not choosing the adventurous choice
but i would be doing myself a disservice if a made a decision simply based off the perception of others and a biased evaluation off of desire and want rather than what feels right and aligned
in either respect, both experiences will serve the person i am becoming, right now i believe however that what i need is to plant and water the seeds i’ve sown, not uproot the plant
